Thrown In
by Indigo Tantarian
Summary: Doomed to spend countless years in the corrupted core bin, the Fact, Space, and Adventure spheres have to cope with corruption, the scientists who put them there (and keep coming back), and each other. (rated for Rick's mouth)


"H-hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Tell me… tell me about space."

"Space is vast, dark and nebulous."

"Ooooohhhh, NEBULOUS! Does that mean space?"

"Nebulous is an adjective, meaning vague and indefinable."

"SPAAAAAAACE! Ooh, ooh, ooh! I know. I know! Does, does, dooooeeeessss… Does space have any lights?"

"Fact: All stars produce light. The Milky Way galaxy contains between 200 and 400 billion stars."

The core with the yellow optic giggled madly. "OH BOY! Look, look. Look. Hey. Look. Oh. I know… I know a secret. Wanna… wanna know? My secret? Wanna know?"

The deep pink core swiveled upwards. "Fact: The Space Sphere is incapable of keeping a secret."

"No, NO! I've got… I've got a secret. For you. A real secret." His voice dropped to a theatrical whisper. "Come closer."

"Aperture Science Artificial Personality Constructs are incapable of independent movement when not attached to a management rail."

"WE'RE IN SPACE!" the other core shouted, not really caring. "We're in space! Look! See? Dark, all dark, like space. And, AND… There's lights. Lights in space. You said. Dark with lights. So we're in SPACE!"

"The Space Sphere's logic is deeply flawed."

There was the whoosh of a door opening in the distance, and both cores quieted, turning to look out the glass wall. Two scientists hurried towards the corrupted core receptacle. One held a personality sphere with a green optic. It was spinning and twisting furiously.

"GET YER STINKIN' HANDS OFF ME YA PENCIL-PUSHERS! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW A GOOD TEST IF IT BIT YA IN THE BUTT! I'M DOIN' MY JOB HERE WHILE YER OFF PUSSYFOOTIN' AROUND LIKE A BUNCH 'A DAMN SISSIES!"

"Open it, open it!"

The scientist not holding the angry core ran up to the control panel.

"Hey! Hey. Hey… Hey Space Cops. Hey. Wanna… I wanna go to space now. Can we go to space now? Please? Oh. Oh, I know. Let's… L-l-let's go… let's go to space. I'm ready. I'm… I'm ready to go to space. Let's go."

"Space does not exist!" the Fact Sphere hissed.

That was the wrong thing to say.

"SPAAAAAAAAACE!" the Space Sphere began to wail like a siren. "SPAAAAAAAACE! Come back, Space! SPAAAAAAAAAACE!"

"Shut UP!" one of the scientists snapped. "Doug, hurry it up!"

"…Space?"

"What's… What the HELL is THIS!?" the green core raged. "What're ya takin' me HERE fer!? I gotta lotta test hazards to plan out! I don't have time fer this kinda shit! Put me back!"

"Your tests were too dangerous," the black-haired scientist at the controls mumbled as he typed.

"Don't TALK to it, Doug! What do you think it is?"

"Put me down, I'll tear ya apart!" The green sphere thrashed around. "I'm an ADVENTURE SPHERE! It's my fuckin' JOB!"

"Here, Henry." The glass finally slid down a bit, and Henry lobbed the Adventure Sphere into the bin. It hit the back wall and tumbled down the pile of deactivated cores to the bottom.

"GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW! I oughta put YOU in my tests, see how ya like it! Think yer so tough, just throwin' a guy around like that! Come back here an' lemme get ahold 'a ya!"

"Artificial Personality Constructs are unable to 'get ahold' of anything, as they lack hands," the Fact Sphere put in.

The green optic swiveled. "Who asked YOU!? Who're you, anyway? Some sad-ass, broken-down core that wasn't useful in the first place?" He turned back to the scientists, who were struggling to close the glass again. "I don't belong HERE! I ain't like that! I ain't defective! Lemme tell ya, when the management figures out what yer doin', yer asses're gonna be outta here SO fast, ya'll leave skid marks!"

"What's taking so long?"

"I… Sorry, Henry." The dark-haired man hesitated. "You're sure?"

"GOD, Doug, of COURSE! What are you, CRAZY? Hurry up!"

Doug flinched. "If you say so," he mumbled, typing in some commands.

"I ain't corrupt! I gotta finish workin' out the tests! It's my job!"

"…The Fact Sphere is not defective!" the pink core suddenly burst out. "Its facts are wholly accurate, and VERY interesting!"

"Wanna go to space!" the yellow one added, not wanting to be left out.

"The Fact Sphere is the most… innnnntelligennnnt… 12 12 12 12 12 12 12…"

The glass began to rise at last.

"I – I c'n fix everythin'!" The new core's voice had developed a desperate edge. "You want some wimpy – uh – easier tests? Less threats? Got it. I'm all over that. All ya had to do was say so. Now get me outta this death-trap!"

"The Fact Sphere is a GOOD sphere, whose insights are relevant!"

"HELP ME, SPACE COPS!"

The door slid shut behind the fleeing scientists.

"GODDAMMIT, YOU PROGRAMMED ME FER THIS, IT'S YER OWN FUCKIN' FAULT IF YA DON'T LIKE MY WORK!"

"…Space cops left," the Space Sphere said in a small voice.

The rectangular green pupil narrowed a few pixels. "Great, I'm stuck in this tiny-ass box on a pile 'a… dead cores… with a couple 'a LUNATICS." His top handle thrashed angrily.

"The Fact Sphere is fully functional. It was placed here in error."

"Doubt it, buddy."

"Fact."

"Mmm, wanna go to space…" The Space Core whimpered.

"An' what's HIS deal up there?" The Adventure Sphere jerked his optic towards the yellow core.

"The Space Sphere was an early, flawed design. After the space program lost funding it was reassigned, and became more and more corrupt over time."

"Space. Goin' to space. Wanna go… Gotta go to space now…"

"He ever talk about anythin' else?"

"The Space Sphere has only one topic of conversation."

"Great."

"…The FACT Sphere, however, is well-informed on over 4,592,307 topics, and can discuss them at length."

"Uh-huh. Tell somebody who cares."

"Punctuation was invented in the 1500s. Before that, written instructions had to be included with any letter, describing when to pause or the intonation to be used."

The Adventure Sphere's shutters narrowed. "Sounds like a damn lotta trouble."

"Queen Isabella of Spain lived from 1451 to 1504. In her entire lifespan, she only bathed twice."

"Gross."

"The monkey wrench was named after its inventor, a London blacksmith by the name of Charles Moncke."

"Don't you EVER shut up!?"

"Oh. Hey. N-now… now say one about space. Space… What about space? Oh! Oh. I know. I know… Space! Tell me about space."

"The sun is composed of 92.1% hydrogen and 7.8% helium"

"Ohhhhh, sun! Going to space, gonna meet the sun. In space. With me. Gonna meet the SUN!"

The Adventure Sphere groaned loudly. "Shut up, there's nothin' in space!"

The Fact Sphere snorted derisively.

"SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!" cried out the third core. "SPAAAAAACE! Space… space… You know… know what? Space… Space is my dad! Don't… don't talk about Dad. Don't talk about space like that. Space cops'll get you."

"Yeah, well space cops ALREADY got me. 'S why I'm here." He narrowed his optic. "Bunch 'a know-it-all assholes."

The next day, the door opened again and all three cores perked up. Henry led a group of other scientists in. They carried sandwiches and snacks, and were snickering nervously to themselves.

"Oh. OH! A-are we… Are we going to space now?"

"I don't know what Doug's problem is," Henry was saying to a tall blond man holding a banana. "They're just machines. This'll brighten anybody's day."

"Knew ya'd come back!" The Adventure Sphere's handles flexed excitedly. "Finally figured out ya need me. Took ya long enough. Not a problem, though. I was pushin' things a little, I know. Ready to go back an' get some science done now!"

"Listen to that!" Henry laughed. "It's not science if you can't get any results! You guys remember that last test chamber we had to shut down? The fire course with acid showers? THAT'S why this one got tossed. It's like just coming out and saying, 'You're going to die.' And with all this mandatory employee testing going on? I'm not putting myself through that, I don't know about you guys."

"Wh-what…? But that was… Oh, hey, listen, BIG misunderstandin' there. I didn't make it to KILL anybody. Sure it's hard, but ya just gotta take a little time to figure it out."

"Hey. Hey, hey! Gotta go to space! Going to space… now."

"The second most common fear is death," the Fact Sphere murmured. "The greatest fear is public speaking."

"No, it's… Okay, I'll tell ya, ya just gotta watch the acid sprays, there's a pattern to 'em. There's always a safe spot. Yer best bet's keepin' to the edge an' waiting 'em out. The fire'll burn off the extra real fast. If ya think it's too much, ya coulda just TOLD me!"

"That's ALL we've been telling you," a short dark woman called from the middle of the group, and the other scientists snickered.

"But… but ya said they should be… challengin'. Like each test's an adventure. I was just… doin' what ya told me." The core's lower handle was beginning to tremble.

"I can't believe you took THIS long to pitch it, Henry. We lost a lot of test subjects."

Henry shrugged in irritation. "With everything else going on, I couldn't get clearance. I hardly even know who's running things at this point."

"…With some minor adjustments, a low percentage of core corruption can be repaired," the Fact Sphere suddenly said. "…Core corruption at 20%."

A few scientists glanced over, but most of them ignored him.

"Hey! Yeah, I c'n get fixed, an' then I'll fix up those tests, an' it'll be just fine, right?" The green core's shutters suddenly narrowed, and he rocked back and forth. "Hey! I'm talkin' to ya here!"

Henry glanced down, then turned to a colleague. "It's not like it's worth fixing anything at this point," he told her in a low voice. "With everything going on, I've been thinking about submitting my resume to Black Mesa…"

"Doctor Henry Imgrund is a traitor to Aperture Science!" the Fact Sphere cried out. "He will be punished for his betrayal. He has no friends here! None will stand by him!"

"He's not going to space!" the yellow core added angrily.

The scientists jumped and looked around. There was a camera on the wall.

"Shit, can't you keep your mouth shut!?" the woman hissed.

"Nobody keeps an eye on security feed these days," Henry muttered, though his face was white.

"Doctor Sarah Messer failed the chemistry portion of her interview testing! She blames her mistakes on others!"

"Shut up!" Henry stomped the floor next to the Fact Sphere menacingly.

"Cave Johnson put into effect a policy stating that any defectors to Black Mesa will be blacklisted immediately!"

"NEVER going to space!"

"Hey… Yeah!" the Adventure Sphere joined in. "Yer a bunch 'a chicken-shit wussies, scared of a little science! Now yer gonna run away with yer tails between yer legs?"

"Doctor William Reddington has been EMBEZELLING FUNDS from his projects for YEARS!"

The tall blond man kicked the glass hard. "Quit it!"

"The Fact Sphere will desist when it has been removed from the corrupted core receptacle!"

"Let's get out of here, Henry. This was a bad idea."

"Henry has acquired private information about one of his colleagues, and plans to use it to blackmail them!"

"You're right, it was a bad idea. Come on."

"Which one?" drawled the Adventure Sphere. "Who's the sucker Henry here's gonna screw over?"

The others glanced at Henry, who glared and straightened up.

"What – Oh come on, that's OBVIOUSLY a lie. It's corrupt, anyway. You can't trust its information."

"The Fact Sphere's facts are WHOLLY accurate," the core insisted.

"You gonna gamble on that?" the other core jeered.

"S-space cops coming to get you. Better run. Better run! All the way to space!" added the third gleefully.

"Shut UP!" Henry screamed. He looked around at his colleagues. "You don't really believe…"

"Of course not," Dr. Messer said quickly. "it's just that…"

"I wouldn't put it past you," Dr. Reddington muttered.

"It's… look, it's talking about Doug, okay? I found something. But I'm not just telling EVERYONE. I'm… saving it for when I need it."

The others eyed him suspiciously.

"…In any case, I think we should leave," said another scientist.

"Hey, hold on there!" the green core called. "How about us?"

"Any employee who liberates non-corrupted spheres will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere!"

"Wanna go to SPAAAAAAAACE!"

The door slid shut.

"Worth a try, I guess," muttered the Adventure Sphere, his handles drooping. "Bunch 'a damn shit-heads."

"…Hey. Hey. A-are we… going to space now…?"

"Nope. Nobody's goin' to space. Not goin' ANYWHERE now… Don't see why ya'd want to, there's nothin' there."

"Fact: Space contains numerous stars, planets, moons, asteroids, satellites, debris, and unknown objects."

"Don't see why ya gotta keep TALKIN' all the damn time! Ain't doin' us any good! Sure didn't do any good with that bunch 'a egg-heads."

The Fact Sphere was silent for a few moments. "…This bin contains twenty-three deactivated spheres, and three active spheres," he said, voice lower than usual. "The Fact Sphere has been here longer than any other active sphere. When the Fact Sphere was erroneously placed here, many other spheres were active as well."

The Adventure Sphere's shutters narrowed, and he looked around to the dead spheres around them. "What happened?"

"The other spheres were inferior to the Fact Sphere. They gave up and accepted their fate, and thus succumbed to it. Each inferior sphere's mind deteriorated until they stopped speaking, then deactivated due to low cpu output."

The Adventure Sphere shuddered. "Shit. Really?"

"The Fact Sphere is always right."

"That… Is that what's happenin' to Space Case over there?"

"Going to SPAAAAAAAAACE!"

"The Space Sphere was in similar condition when he was placed here. It is highly corrupt, but not currently in danger of deactivating."

"Heheheheheh, going to space, I'm – Oh! I'm going to space! Wanna come? You… you, YOU could go to space too! With me. Space team, in space! WHEEEE! Space Facts and Space Adventure and Space… SPACE!"

The green and pink cores eyed the yellow one, then exchanged a glance.

"…Speech that requires higher intelligence, such as debate, reasoning, and creative oration, is the most useful in preventing deactivation and further corruption." The Fact Core's shutters narrowed. "Regrettably, the Fact Sphere lacks an intelligent conversation partner or audience. All other spheres are vastly inferior to the Fact Sphere."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The Fact Sphere… is the most intelligent sphere," he said, enunciating each word slowly. "The Adventure Sphere is inferior. The Adventure Sphere is not to blame for this; it is simply his nature."

"What the hell! I ain't dumb!"

"Dumb is an adjective meaning mute, or incapable of speech. The Adventure Sphere is capable of speech. Therefore, he is not dumb."

"Don't try bein' smart, YER the idiot."

"The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward."

"Hey… Hey, hey. Space team."

"What'd ya call me just now!? I ain't a coward!"

"H-hey. Hey! I think… Heehee, I think I wanna… go to space."

"The Adventure Sphere is of no use to anyone," the Fact Sphere snarled.

"Oh yeah? You been in this box a hell of a lot longer'n me, pal! From where I'm standin', looks like YER the one nobody c'n use!"

"Hey, um… Ready now? Ready to go to space? Let's go! Going to space."

"The Fact Sphere… is acting in a supervisory capacity in this situation, as all other spheres present are inferior."

"That's it, I'm gonna pound you into the wall…"

"HEY!"

The other two cores jumped at the sudden booming echo of the Space Sphere's voice.

"NO fighting in space!" the Space Sphere bellowed. "Space court! Guilty! Go to SPACE JAIL!"

There was silence.

"Looks like we're IN Space Jail, pal…" muttered the green core.

"Talk about SPACE now! SPACE Facts! SPACE Adventure! SPACE!"

"…Guess I wouldn't mind a space adventure. Better'n sittin' in HERE til I turn off."

"…Space adventure? Going on a space adventure!? OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY, GOING TO SPACE, SPACE ADVENTURE!"

"Settle down there, kid. We ain't goin' anywhere."

"B-but… going on a space adventure… What'll we do? Hey, what'll we do? On the space adventure? Huh? What?"

The Adventure Core looked around. Both of the others were watching him. He turned to the Space Core.

"Uh… well we gotta GET there first. Have to find a rocket somewhere. Shouldn't be too hard, I c'n pretty much design one."

"A space shuttle's liquid fuel is pumped into the combustion chamber with an oxidizer," the Fact Sphere suddenly spoke up. "It is then burned into a high-pressure gas, and the emission of this gas pushes the shuttle forward."

The green core stared at him for a moment. "…Yeah, like that. So, uh… it takes a while to get to space. Ya know, cause it's so far away."

"But… but THEN, can we have a space adventure?"

"Damn, I'm gettin' to that! Hold yer horses! So there's not much IN space, 'cept a bunch 'a rocks…"

"The sun! I wanna meet the sun. OH! I know! I know! We… We can see the sun! Sun's the boss. The boss of space."

"There are countless stars in the universe. The Earth's sun is of average size, and qualified as a yellow dwarf."

"Huh. Okay…" The green optic swung back and forth, just one pixel left and one pixel right. Then his lower shutter rose a bit. "Got it! We've gotta see the sun first, if he's the boss. Cause our planet an' the rest're his territory. Like… his kingdom. So we gotta check in with him."

"A feudal lord in possession of a fief may give portions of his land to his vassals, who in turn fight for him and give counsel," the Fact Sphere offered.

The Adventure Sphere's optic narrowed, and he looked at the pinkish core for a moment. "…Yeah…" he said slowly. Then his shutters snapped open. "Yeah! Oh, got it! So all those stars out there, they're like… a whole bunch 'a… lords or somethin'. All got their own planets an' shit. So when we go talk to the sun, he's gonna send us out to fight off all the OTHER suns'… planets an' vassals an' shit. Sound good?"

The Space Sphere's optic was wide. "…Fighting planets? Oh. But… Planets. In space. Nnnn…"

"Planets generally orbit a star. A rogue planet is one that has been knocked out of orbit, and moves through space until another celestial body's gravity pulls it in."

"Yeah! We're gonna go hunt rogue planets!" The Adventure Sphere's shutters rose in a grin, and his handles wiggled. "Sounds good to me! Nice one, four-eyes! How 'bout that?"

"Space adventure… Rogue planet hunter…" the Space Sphere's optic contracted and darted around thoughtfully before exploding back to full size. "YEEEEEEEEEEEE! The BEST space adventure!"

"Sure, an' when we get a few, we'll go back to the sun, an'… an' then he'll make us… Space Knights!" The Adventure Sphere bounced enthusiastically.

"Only royalty can dub a knight."

"Well the sun's royalty in space, he c'n dub anythin' he wants! I like the sound 'a that."

"OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY, WE'RE GONNA MEET THE SUN, SPACE ADVETURE, ROGUE PLANETS, SPACE KNIGHTS!" The Space Sphere rocked frantically back and forth. "Going to space, can't wait, oh boy, space, we're going, really going to space, gonna meet the sun, gonna be in SPACE!" He sighed blissfully, leaning back and looking up.

"The Adventure Sphere's narrative is lacking in facts."

"Don't see how it could be, yer always stickin' 'em in!"

"Space court!" the Space Sphere threatened.

"The Fact Sphere's facts greatly enhance the Adventure Sphere's narrative."

They stared at each other, shutters narrowed around contracted optics.

"…Bet ya couldn't tell a good story to save yer life, though."

"The Fact Sphere is superior to ALL other spheres in every way. However… the Fact Sphere was designed with a single mode of communication."

"'S what I thought. Shut up about all that damn 'superior sphere' bullshit. We're ALL in the trash, buddy."

"…In SPACE," the yellow core corrected him.

"Nope. Not here."

"…Space trash?"

"Not even that, kid."

"In the circumstances, our surroundings are more akin to a mass grave."

"Damn, wish ya hadn't put it like that," the Adventure Sphere muttered, flicking at a deactivated sphere with his lower handle.

"…Going to space. Gonna have a space adventure," the Space Sphere mumbled to himself, and began to hum.

"Yeah, that sounds pretty good right about now…"

"…The first rockets were made in ancient China. They have evolved into fireworks over time."

"Coming? Coming to space? Lots of facts in space. SOOOOOO many facts!"

"There is a distinct lack of facts in space."

"…Sounds like it could use a few, then," the Adventure Sphere said casually.

The Fact Sphere was silent for a moment.

"…True," he finally said. "There are no facts in space. It would be vastly improved by the presence of the Fact Sphere."

"WHEEEEEEEE, SPACE!"

"There ya go! That's more like it!"

"The Fact Sphere's presence can improve any environment by 46.1%."

"Don't push yer luck, pal."

As they bickered, the Space Sphere rocked back and forth to the tune he was humming, trying to decide what to say to the sun.


End file.
